Is this how they felt?
by Girl on the Computer
Summary: People contemplate how they feel. A series of oneshots. Chapter 1 Conner
1. Conner

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Power Rangers, I don't even own the computure I used to type this.

Is this what Jason felt? Letting someone else come into the team? I know we weren't really that much of a team, but we were the Original Dino Thunders, the core. I sort of hate them for joining, it meant that we had to be more open minded and get used to another player on the field.

I want it just to be the three of us again, at least then we were getting along. We came from totally different parts of the social circles. We didn't even know each other before that fateful day. Now, I don't know how I could have lived without them. I don't want our team to take another form. I don't know if I could handle it. I'm supposed to be the leader. I'm supposed to be able to handle it. How am I supposed to handle something I've never dealt with before? How am I supposed to make sure everything's going to be alright? Especially when I don't believe it myself.

I pretend I don't know what's going on. I somehow feel like they need to be able to explain it to me by themselves. Not just what Hayley tells them, they need to know what's going on. I'm smarter than I let on, but Ethan needs to be the smart one and I understand that. I think Kira does to, for all of her advanced classes, she doesn't try to make anything or solve any problem that Ethan is working on. I don't think they get that. I don't think they see us as a team, a functioning unit.

They can't really see it, hardly anyone outside of us does. They think it needs to be fixed, but I know better. We have a bond and for all our fighting each other we would do anything to protect each other. We're like family like that, I know I would do almost anything for my brother and the other way around. We're not broken, we're family.

Sometimes though I wonder if we really are worthy of being the Dino Thunders, and I have to ask myself if we need more power, more rangers. I don't want to do it. Maybe if I just give up the gem, everything will go back to the way it was. Simple and straightforward, I miss those days. But I can't do that they need me now more than ever. They need me to show them the way.

I don't know the way yet, but they need me to. How much longer can I keep this up? I don't think I'm fit to be a leader, I don't know if I can be anything else. Now that I'm aware of what's happening I can't back out. I can't give in. I have to make the right choice, the fate of the Earth hangs in the balance. I can't just give Earth to the bad guys. They're counting on me, and I don't think I can make the right choice. Is this what Jason felt?


	2. Ethan

**Disclaimer:** I own not the rangers

A/N: No strike through here, so I replaced it with italics inside of parenthesis, the bold word is what he goes with. Thanks to Ghostwriter (who I'm pretty sure was the first one to read this, 3 years ago) and JJB88 (who reminded me I do actually have this story posted)

* * *

Is this what Billy felt? Constantly being… not misunderstood, just explaining things that go right over their heads, feeling like that was the only thing he brought to the table. I know I'm not that much smarter than them, but it always feels like I have to understand everything. Sure there's Hayley, but she's not the one out there, not that that makes her any less important, just…

As a team we need to be able to fight together, and it's weird. No, it's a delicate balance. It always feels like if anything upsets the balance everything will come crumbling down. Hayley, she can't always be there, so someone else needs to. When the others look for a tech answer I need to have it, more than that I need to be strong enough to give it. What good is having the answer if I can't tell anyone because I'm knocked out?

None of us really had training, but Kira carries a guitar everywhere (and her textbooks are ridiculous), Connor has his soccer. I didn't have anything really, and I can't let them down. So I do weight training every night, so I don't let them down, so I don't upset the balance.

The thing is, we make a good balance, the three primary colors, Arts, Technology, and Sports. We have been fighting off the bad guys. We _will_ defeat Mesagog. As much as I hate to say it Trent and Dr. O mess up the balance, and I don't know where we fit anymore. I _know_ I can trust Dr. O, but he can just swoop in, provide all the answers and save the day. It makes me feel extraneous, like I'm being pushed off for a (_better, faster, stronger, more experienced_)** different** person to just come take my place. Trent, besides the whole "evil rock controlling me" thing, is just a distraction. Before he came along, we all got along fine, we could work together and all take our own sides. Adding him just screws the whole thing up. Because she (_loves, likes_)** has romantic feelings** for him. So they side with each other, _and it throws off the balance_.

In fighting too, we never really know what either of them are going to do, how to keep the balance. It's like making a clan in an RPG, each member has a roll to fill. I used to be good at those, before… Not important. Now we just have two new members, one is a level 100 Ninja, and one who has proven he was willing to stab you for the treasure. They just slide into place.

I need to be stronger, have all the answers, figure out how to balance the scales. They're counting on me to know, and have a strategy (at least Kira and Conner are). The strategy is mostly make stuff up and keep what works. To keep getting stronger, body and mind, and to have some sort of answers to help where I can. I just… I want to be valuable, not disposable, to be able to support my team and keep them as safe as I can. Maybe I'm not as smart as the rest of the universe. I want the team to be balanced, safe. I want the answers so they can be. Is this how Billy felt?


End file.
